In my previous two articles, "How sharing can help solving problems" and "How to learn sharing", I'd discussed about the importance of sharing and some handy tips to learn to share. Now the next important step in this communication cycle is about listening. Listening is a crucial and difficult task and is very important to the effectiveness of the communication.

It is not easy to be a listener. Before I list down the constraints a listener faces and the qualities one needs to posses to be a good listener, I will talk about the importance of listening. Listening allows a communication channel to be established which is not only important for the victim who is being listened but also for the listener as we shall see towards the end of this article.

I will now talk about constraints to listening.

1. Being Dispassionate: It is very important to be dispassionate and a difficult task at the same time as well. It is the most undefeatable constraints since as human beings we all have certain problems in our personal lives and it is very easy to associate the victim's mental condition with ourselves and get carried away in the process.
2. Being Non-Judgmental: This is another area which works as a powerful constraint to being a successful listener. As human beings, it is our natural tendency to judge a person while listening to him since it is based on our judgments that we decide the amount of support we are going to offer, if at all, any. However, being judgmental is detrimental to a listener as it creates a mental barrier between the listener and the victim. The victim does not feel free while being listened to if he is thrown judgmental questions and it also defeats the very purpose of establishing an effective communication channel.
3. Being Ruthless: This, in my opinion is the most difficult constraint to overcome as a listener. Being ruthless does not mean being rude with the victim. But being ruthless equates to help the victim come out of the victimhood by making the victim responsible for his/her misery and not sympathizing with them at all or getting carried away. This essentially boils down to, what I call as "Ruthless Compassion". At the same time, some basic psychological shift, shocks and boost are needed to be given for the victim to realize the need to rise above the level of the problem.

In addition to defeating these constraints, it is also important to keep in mind that often people are victims of their own selves and just because they cannot develop the ability to defeat themselves while sharing, they are looking for some solace outside, which is actually available inside them. Hence it is the duty of the listener to make the victim introspect self to realize the inner potential to problem solving.

I will end this with some benefits of listening:

1. Listening makes us thick skinned which is very important as an activist.
2. It increases our acceptance level.
3. It allows us to lower our expectations.
4. It gives us an insight into the various possibilities without actually having to live the possibilities.
5. It gives us an inner strength and endurance which makes us stronger in the long run.

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Pravin  - 50% Bouncer   |84.12.90.xxx |19-06-2009 03:26:30 Good article. Though 50% bouncer for first reading. It's making some sense. I think, I read only one previous article. I will read gain later. Reply | Quote 0   0

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