It's a Diane Sawyer bit about a man and his wife trying to cope with the economic downturn.  It seems Rick Hemmert lost his job, so he now is a full-time stay at home dad.  His wife Eleanor is still employed and she has to work harder than ever so they can make ends meet.

It turns out that he absolutely loves caring for their daughter, saying "I'm so blessed" when she calls him needing his help and he's able to give it to her.  But Eleanor is not down with the program - not even a little bit.  Because Rick doesn't have a job, she says "I've just lost so much respect for him."

She goes on to say that, "like most little girls," she was brought up to believe she'll marry a man who will "put a roof over my head" and be the provider.  She wants to "be a mother first" and resent's her husband's time with their seven-year-old daughter, Elizabeth. Rick is no deadbeat.  He's just a guy who's lost his job.  And he's discovered that mom's role can be really rewarding and he's taking to it.  To be trite, he's making lemonade out of lemons.  Eleanor on the other hand is finding out that dad's job, with its long hours, long commutes and lack of contact with Elizabeth can be a drag.  But instead of seeing anything positive, instead of taking pride in being the sole breadwinner, instead of enjoying the fact that Rick is getting to be so close with his little girl, Eleanor rejects all of it.

Interestingly, Sawyer presents the piece as an example of how role reversal can seriously stress a marital relationship.  And indeed, the Hemmerts have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for a long time.  But is it really role reversal that's set them at odds?  It doesn't look that way to me.  The only one unhappy with their situation is Eleanor.  She hates being the one to earn the money and resents Rick's greater contact with their daughter.  But the only problem Rick has with the setup is Eleanor's attitude about it.  He loves caring for Elizabeth, and isn't upset in the least that his wife is the one to go to work.  So he's got no problem with the role reversal at all.

Recently we've seen a bogus study done by Parenting.com claiming that mothers were 'mad at dad' for not doing more around the house.  Newsweek one-upped that effort with the equally bogus claim that unemployed men actually do less around the house than employed ones do.  But here's a real case in which the woman is mad at dad, not for doing less but for doing more - more of "her" job.

And we've also seen a college student pining for the days of chivalry while at the same time wearing her girl power mask.  Now we've got a woman who is frankly stuck in the past and likes it there.  Eleanor wants to be June Cleaver and Rick to be Ward.  Her respect for him and the stability of their marriage obviously depend on it.  It seems someone needs to explain to her that her dreams when she was a little girl may not correspond to adult realities.

And of course we have a fair number of studies that tell us that mothers don't give up their childcare duties easily or gracefully.  Very often they intervene to prevent dad's access to his child to avoid losing their parental primacy.  And that's what it looks like is going on with Eleanor.  Rick's a full-time dad and it makes her mad. 

Getting to equality is a long road and a bumpy one.  While we're on it, we should never forget women like Eleanor.  For all the talk about work empowering women and how all they want is for men to do more around the house, there are plenty of women just like her for whom all that is anathema. 

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